Issue 01 / PATRICK WILLIAMS
Yes, the world is crazy right now. But you can cultivate your “inner chill”. Here’s how.
As Dickens wrote in A Tale of Two Cities in 1859, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness.”
Doesn’t this ring so true today, too?
There are many views and perceptions for us in this world. If you watch and read the news, you may become inundated with the negative, the sensational, the political and feel incredibly stressed or anxious.
And yet the whole world is not that. There are many great and wonderful acts and human stories. You may have to search for them, but they are so uplifting.
We need to be conscious of what we say to whom, and that the people (and forms of communication) we have in our lives are truthful and transparent. Even the news and movies we wat[1]ch are conversations.
Sometimes we need to make choices to balance the media meme of violence and negative news with positive and uplifting media. From Falling Awake, Dave Ellis writes, “Moment by mo[1]ment, we get to choose our conversations and community. What’s at stake is enormous—everything we say, hear, watch, listen to, read, and see. No choices are more powerful than these.”
Here are nine things you can do on purpose to have an extra[1]ordinary life — no matter what chaos exists outside of yourself:
1. Have a target, a personal mission statement, a life purpose, or a compelling future that draws you toward your desired life. You can only prefer your future, not demand it. Planning and goal setting help but remember that even airplanes are off-target 90 percent of the flight. Lots of mini adjustments are made to what is occurring in the now.
2. Have an uncluttered life. This includes physical and emotional clutter. Do a clean swe[1]ep of unwanted things, and then work on where and with whom you can be “emotionally naked” and share your unspoken. Workon life’s incompletions. It is said that we all come with baggage. A true friend is one that will help you unpack!
3. Live in the present. Sure, you must envision and think about your future, but it is unknown and made up. Even your story about the past is just your story. It has been said, “The past is history, the future but a mystery. The present is a gift. That is why it’s called the present.”
4. Create a toleration-free zone. If there are things that are bugging you, what I call “gnats and nuisances,” things you are frustrated by, then follow the gu[1]ide of “do it, dump it, or delegate it (or delay it).” This does not include “Deny it”. By choosing to not tolerate energy drainers, you can take ac[1]tion by doing something to take care of the toleration or you can just dump it. That is, forget about it, especially if there is nothing you can do. Get it off your list or you can delegate the challenge. Hire someone who can fix it or complete a task for you or take it off your radar or delay it. Deal with it later, but don’t worry about it today. Why waste energy on it? The key here is not to deny it and forget to do one of the other strategies. Just give it time and re[1]visit.
5. Give yourself extreme self-care. Be good to yourself. Not just nice but extreme. Reward your[1]self with something that gives you energy rather than drains you of energy. Get a foot massage. Go to the beach, the woods, the mountains, or lake. Go out for a special treat. Do this periodically, and you build up reserves!
6. Understand the myth of work/life balance. Have a center point to come back to. Balance is temporary, but a practice of daily centering and coming back to balance cre[1]ates a sturdier sense of security.
7.Say no and yes with conviction. When I coach my clients on living their best life, we get to clarify their purpose early on. Then, when they have requests from others or demands of the job, they can consider the request of their time and energy. If it fits with their purpose statements and values, they say yes. If it does not, they say no. Or at least they can say, “Maybe. Let me think about it.” You can do the same exact thing. Many pe[1]ople do not tell the truth when others ask them to commit to so[1]mething or help another, and that lack of naked communication costs them dearly.
8. Choose to under-promise and over-deliver. This is a hallmark of the coaching profession and that of per[1]sonal or business development. It does not mean to make promi[1]ses or commitments that are not well-conceived or important but it does allow one to have some leeway. For example, if at work, you are asked when you can have a proposal on your supervisor’s desk. State you can have it in a week and deliver in five days. Do this instead of promising so[1]mething you can’t deliver, or that will not be polished and ready for review. I’m sure you can think of many areas in personal or family life where this same strategy can be helpful.
9. Respond, do not react. This is tantamount to living less a stressful life on purpose. As humans, we have a natural, built-in reaction of fight-or-fli[1]ght-or-freeze. But our evolution also allows us to pause for a brief moment and survey the options that may be available to choose instead of a knee-jerk reaction immediately.
Even first responders and emergency professionals are tra[1]ined to react with responses available. They quickly ascertain choices based on their training instead of a less trained person reacting with fear, paralysis, inaction, or unhelpful action. To design a preferred personal future, you need to have a plan and yet be present to life’s natural flow. Our lives are shaped by incompletions, fears, attachments, addictions, unmet needs, procrastinations, and tolerations. Like barnacles on the hull of a boat, we must have an annual cleaning, at minimum, for smoother sailing. Clean up your clutter, unfinished business, and wounds. Orient your life around your values and gifts. Be an observer of life. Be curious and learn what you are having the opportunity to learn. Life is moving forward always, but you cannot step in the same river twice.
